Ms. Retrospective

Catch a glimpse of the mundane adventures in my life, my artwork, and my warped night dreams!

Traditional (slightly lucid) Flying Dream

June25

Leaving my old elementary school, where I had currently enrolled as a student again, I walked with my kindergarten teacher to a meadow.  I looked up at the sun and it had a clock face on it.  The sun was warping its shape and became a key.  The key  turned into a heart shape and the sun spun around, moving the image to the back side of sun.

I reached up and started to float up to the sky.  The sky was hazy and full of greens, blues and muted violet colors swirling about as if a painting.  I could not see a horizon line (about when I was lucidly dreaming) and decided to not be afraid and enjoy the experience.  I flew aimlessly in loops and rolls around the space.

The ground appeared again and I saw a black goat eating the meadow grass below.  The goat had a long cat tail with a puff of fur at the tip.  Beyond the goat, a couple of dairy cows grazed.  The meadow was a dull color because of the overcast sky.  I flew close to the goat and tried touching it’s tail.  I barely missed and laughed to myself as I curved back up towards the clouds.

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ThE eNd

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Past My 5 Year Warranty

June22

wheelalignment

Matt jokingly commented tonight, as he helped me get up from the couch, that I must have only had a five year warranty.  Shortly after my chuckles intensified the shooting pain, I was also reminded that yesterday was our 6.5 year anniversary.  That made me think again  that time is flying by faster and faster, and I am no longer a kid.

I find that I can no longer work or play as I used to.  After lifting wood that was much to heavy for me (last summer and this spring), and bouncing my self all over the yard as I mow for 3-4 hours a week (over the last 4 years), that fact is finally sinking in.

Most likely because of this, I am having some sciatic problems and just had my second chiropractic adjustment this evening.  On Friday, I was pretty convinced that something was off when I saw my x-ray displaying my crooked backbone!  I don’t know what I did to flare up the nerve in the last couple of days, but this is the worst that it has ever been.  They “warned” that I may feel worse before I feel better, but that isn’t encouraging.

There are only 9 visits left out of 12 that my insurance covers, so here’s hoping that is enough time for my alignment or “tune-up” to get me going. The following maintenance will have to be done without the professionals.

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Onion Bookmark Rage Dream

June11

Standing in line at the library, waiting to check out, I grew impatient with those who were before me. Once at the counter, I was handed my book back with a receipt sandwiched between the pages. Instead of a paper receipt, it was pieces of sliced onions.

Juice from the onion started to run out of the book, covering my hands and the counter top. I pressed my hands together feeling the mess. While the woman helping me was distracted by another person, I asked a large woman sitting in a high chair if she could give me napkins. She said no without any reason.

Instead of accepting her answer with patience and poise, I expressed my frustration vocally.  Yelling at her, I pushed the book and the messy contents across the counter at her. That began a panic in the library. I pushed my way back into the crowd, heading toward the exit.

Once outside, I found myself lost in a dark, crowded parking lot. A riot had started outside of the library and people were scattering everywhere. I dashed into the lot looking for my car. All the cars were too dark to really distinguish their shape and color. I clicked my car keys and saw the lights blink not to far from me. Reaching the car in a chaotic state, I opened the car door and noticed that the car was a different make than mine. I slammed the car door and continued to click for my car, processing why the keys had opened the wrong car.  I  assumed that my keys opened same brand of cars.

parking-lot

2 policemen were stopping others running around the lot asking if they were Becky. I tried to interrupt them to identify myself, but they wouldn’t listen to me. I shouted and they turned and when I said who I was, I put my hands up to accept their waiting cuffs.

As they reached for the handcuffs, I changed my mind and ran away.  I entered an old barn like warehouse/cave. There wasn’t much light, just the red glow of the clay flooring all around. Those who were following me ran after me and I jumped over a small river past the clay and through a doorway.

Inside, I saw a room that was full of antiques, apparently untouched since the owners of these items had lived there. A small lamp was glowing on an end table surrounded by a yellowed doily. I thought to myself that an untouched lamp of this age would not have been able to keep burning for decades.

lamp

I could hear the voices calling to me that I was trapped because no door to the outside would be a safe exit. I glanced at the wooden doors swinging open to the daylight outside. Some views were fully wooded cliffs and one door opened to an island forest leading to the sea.

I jumped out the door without hesitation. Running to the sea, I felt a panic that I would not know where to go once I reached it. As soon as I touched the water, a tidal wave came flowing at me and swept me away, faster than I could have run on my own.

I had escaped.

ThE eNd

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Motor Bike Dream

June7

Matt found a motor bike for $10 and he bought it for me. I rode it all over our yard. There was a lever at the front of the bike that made the bike go in a turbo speed (around 70-75 miles an hour). When I first pushed it, nothing happened, but the second time, it made the bike fly up off of a bump in the yard. I went falling backwards, hurting my knee a bit. It didn’t hurt too much because I got right back on and rode around again.

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I was at a holiday gathering at my parents house where they had a huge floor plan. Off of the living room, there was a dirty bathroom and I cleaned it up and also decided to do the laundry that was in there. I washed the clothes in the shower and when they were dry, I realized that I faded my sisters’ red OSU sweatshirt. It was streaked with light blue and overall looked like cotton candy. I told my mom and she advised me to buy her another one.

ThE eNd

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Violent Zombie Dream

June5

A law was passed that people could not carry guns.  The zombies came into town and had their guns, therefore controlling the population.  They gathered people up in rows in dark alleys and I passed them as inconspicuous as possible.  I ran into a dark hallway to hide but a zombie saw me.  They followed me.  I went into one of the dark rooms off the hall and the zombie passed me.  As soon as he was gone, I came out and he had stayed, pressed against the wall to grab me.  He pulled me into a bathroom and tried to kill me.  I struggled and wiggled my way out.  He grabbed a lady who walked in and killed her.

dark-hall

I ran outside to a dark hillside where another zombie, a female with short blonde hair knocked me down.  I grabbed her head and kept twisting it in an attempt to snap her neck.  Instead, it just kept twisting around and around.  With her back to me and my hands around her head, face looking at mine, she growled and said nice try.  I dropped the head and ran away.

I saw a mother laying on the ground by her car, pretending to be dead after being attacked by one of the gun wielding zombies.  I looked around, got in her car drove off.  I got to a lakeside feeling safe.  I asked Matt’s parents if we could go on the boat.  We started to load up the boat, and in a food storage room, a zombie jumped out to get me.  I was caught off guard and ran to the boat.  More zombies were surrounding the boat shooting everyone, turning them into zombies too.  I ran past some kids who had been turned into zombies, drooling at the mouth, reaching for me.

ThE eNd

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Popcorn Filled Dream

June3

Closing my eyes, I could imagine myself squeezing under a wall that either touched the floor or had only a small opening. This was a way to escape those who were after me. Once after performing this impossible feat, I opened my eyes to a large gymnasium-like room covered in pop corn. I ate my way through it as to enter the room completely. My mouth was as full as a hamster stupidly packing his mouth with seeds.

popcorn

I stood and behind me was a large gate blocking the entrance or exit. A small space was opened at the top and those chasing me taunted me that I could not retrieve what I had left behind. I jumped up, almost floating, stretching one leg through the opening with grace. I acted in spite because there was nothing I took back to the popcorn room with me.

Rocks, boulders, covered the large mass of a cliff that once was a skyscraper’s roof. A large explosion jolted me back down into a ditch. I clawed at the cold, wet clay inclining toward the blast. I told those around me that I must scrape a cross-hatching pattern, creating enough traction to rise up. The grit and my strain working together urged me on to reach the top.

ThE eNd

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Saying NO with Respect!

June2

This is some advice I am taking for my own use and I am posting it for others to learn from.

Enjoy!

How to say NO and have people respect you for it

Just say no

Saying yes is easy, saying no is a skill. And an important skill too, because saying yes too often can get you into trouble and saying nothing is troublesome altogether. So saying no is an important skill to use on a regular basis. Saying no to yourself and saying no to others.

The skill of saying no

Saying no is often associated with negative feelings, like disappointment, anger and loss. That’s why it’s a lot easier to say yes all the time, because people like to avoid situations that evoke those emotions. But at the same time, we don’t feel proud or satisfied with saying yes. It’s a Catch-22, we don’t want to say no and we don’t want to say yes.

So often we reside to other options, but they prove to be even more troublesome than just saying no:

  • Saying yes, doing yes
    This is authentic. If you say yes, do yes. People will know that you keep your word.
  • Saying yes, doing no
    This is deception. You try to keep the relationship good at first, but don’t keep your word and end up damaging it in the end.
  • Saying nothing, doing yes
    This is vague, but mostly if you do not answer people assume that you will say yes.
  • Saying nothing, doing no
    This is vague and deceptive. People assume that you say yes, but you do the opposite. Plenty of room for an argument.
  • Saying no, doing yes
    This is confusing to say the least. People will not know what your word is worth, saying no clearly does not mean no.
  • Saying no, doing no
    This is authentic. If you say no, do no. You might disappoint someone, but you are clear and people will know that you keep your word.

Saying yes and saying no are the only two viable options in the long run. Saying yes is something that most people are very capable of, saying no on the other hand…

To master the skill of saying no, you need to build upon your courage and consideration. Courage is the skill you need for you. It is needed to be able to choose for yourself and say no when you feel or know you have to say no. You might disappoint someone, but you have the courage to bite the bullet and just say it.

Consideration is the skill you need for the other. Taking the needs and wants of the other into consideration is an important skill to assess the impact of saying no. It might not change your decision, but it will prepare you and allow you to get the message across in a respectful way.

Argument

Saying no to others

The art of leadership is saying no, not yes. It is very easy to say yes. – Tony Blair

Saying no to others is not fun, but an essential skill if you want to keep your sanity. Tony Blair takes it even a step further and states that the art of leadership revolves around that skill. Leaders tend to be people we respect and value for their opinions and choices(well most of the time anyway). So how do we say no to people and gain respect while doing it?

Stephen Covey writes about this in his famous book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People“. He calls it the public victory and consists of 3 of the 7 habits (Think win-win, Seek first to understand and then to be understood, and Synergize). These hold the key to gaining respect by saying no.

In the six options I listed above, there are only two that can lead to win-win situations. Saying yes and doing yes, or saying no and doing no are authentic responses. But saying yes to unimportant stuff is a clearcut win-lose situation! When deciding what to do, take the mutual gain in mind. What is my win? What purpose does this serve for my goals? Am I depositing on the others Emotional Bank Account? Are they depositing or withdrawing on mine?

Saying yes to something because it leads to mutual gain is the only true win-win out there. If you say no to something that doesn’t lead to mutual gain, you effectively prevent something that ultimately ends up as a lose-lose situation from happening. In this light saying no is a proactive move, whereas mindlessly saying yes is reactive.

Saying no needs consideration and respect for the other, because if it’s not important to you, it doesn’t mean it’s not important altogether. Hear the other out as they are explaining why they want you to do something (seek first to understand). Repeat in your own words what you think they said, to confirm that you understood them (this will gratify them already). Tell them you understand why that’s important to them, and explain them why you are going to say no nevertheless. If people feel understood, you have created fertile ground to say no respectfully. And people will appreciate you for it too.

If you take it one step further, you can build upon what you just achieved. Explore the problem at hand for a moment to find another solution. Finding a new solution that serves both purposes is saying no too, but more creative. You say no to the lose and openly explore how to change it into a win. This will build your image of leadership even further.

Image by DownTown Pictures

Saying no to yourself

It comes from saying no to 1,000 things to make sure we don’t get on the wrong track or try to do too much. – Steve Jobs

But saying no is not exclusively to other people. A big part of saying no is to the one you need the most: YOU! It’s the hardest because the conflict I just described in saying no to others is now internally in you. It’s an internal conflict where a part of you wants to do something and another part in you doesn’t want to do it at all. How do you solve this?

First of all, it’s important to realize that both parts want something that’s good for you. They have a positive intention for you. It might not always be clear what that intention is, and it might need some introspection to uncover it. What positive result does this specific behavior bring you (peace of mind? energy? relaxation?). If you find both intentions, you can follow the same path as with others (more or less). Find a third alternative that will satisfy both needs (and it may even bring an added extra).

Covey talks about the private victory as well. The private victory are the first three habits (Be Proactive, Begin with the End in Mind, and First Things First). These habits are about putting you in control, knowing what you want and knowing your priorities. And if you look closely in the previous section, you’ll see that these are at the foundation of saying no to others.

There’s only one ‘hidden’ assumption in the previous section: you know when you want to say no. You achieve this by knowing what you want and knowing what’s important to you. If you don’t know what you want, or what’s important to you, how are you going to know when to say no? The success you have in the public victory depends a great deal from the success you have in the private victory.

There’s more to it than “Just say NO”

So in the end there’s more to it than just saying no. If you want to do it right, there are no tricks, no secrets, no hacks. For a genuine and lasting result you need to put in authentic effort and respect. Only then will you find Win-Win solutions, and who knows … maybe even more.

Sig

Again this article comes from here. Please enjoy their site.
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